Imagine a scenario- Your child has studied hard for his exam
and is well prepared. As he is about to leave for the exam you start giving the
last minute instructions.
Instruction 1- Perform your exam very attentively. Finish it
on time. Don’t leave any question unanswered. Don’t commit silly mistakes.
Instruction 2- I’m glad you studied hard so now be confident
and give your best. I am sure your hard work will pay. Just relax, smile and
have fun while doing your exam.
Now let’s analyze which set of instructions is
better.
The first set of instructions is deciphered as “You
are usually inattentive”. “Most of the times you leave questions unanswered.”
“You commit silly mistakes.”
Whereas, second set of instructions says “You have
done what all was required.” “You will definitely succeed” “You don’t deserve
to worry so just relax and enjoy what you will be doing”.
In the light of the above, which set of instructions is
better? Clearly the second set of instructions. The child who receives first
set of instructions might even succeed sometimes but he would succeed with a
continuous pressure of living up to his own and others expectations. And during
this he would not be able to enjoy what he is doing.
One day he would get exhausted trying to prove himself which
may further lead to decline in performance.
Whereas the child who feels adequate and relaxed & enjoys
what he is doing will continue to perform consistently and even improve.
What should parents do?
Every parent wants his child to do well, to achieve and get
good marks. They want this so that his child proves to be a fulfilled
individual in life. But in this pretext parents often start giving their child
some negative messages without even being conscious of it. Unknowingly, the
negative messages steer the child away from his sense of adequacy and creates a
low self-esteem.
So, remember to be conscious of your words. Boost
your child’s confidence through encouragement and praise. Give him a
reassurance that whatever the result, you will be very proud of his effort and
achievement. Just give him that smile and ask him to enjoy whatever he is
doing. J
